When tragedy struck, this family turned grief into charity

 

Dexter Cook was a happy and healthy child. His parents, James and Gemma felt like everything had fallen into place. Little did they know; their happiness would be cut short when disaster struck.

When Dexter was welcomed into the world by doting parents, James Cook and Gemma Littley, it felt like everything had fallen into place. But little did they know, just a year later, their dreams of a perfect family would be cut short by an unforeseeable tragedy.

James and Gemma, a young couple from Oldham, had travelled the world and achieved what they wanted to do. But knew they were missing the last piece of their puzzle, and decided to have a child.

Born on the 5^th of May, Dexter Cook was James and Gemma’s pride and joy. Adoring relatives treasured the healthy and happy boy that brought smiles and happiness wherever he went.

“He would light up the room” says James, “He was a blue-eyed boy, worshipped by grandparents and the like, Dexter truly shone.”

“He was happy, but on another level. He sparkled,” says Gemma.

They did everything together as a family unit and loved to read Dexter to sleep.

Days after Dexter’s first birthday on the 30^th of May, a summery Friday morning, James was preparing to leave for work and kissed Dexter goodbye in the kitchen. He remembers looking back as he left, to see Dexter waving him goodbye. It was a normal day.

“He went to his grandmas that day and he was great” adds Gemma.

“Later in the evening, I gave him a bath and he was smiling and laughing. I put all the bubbles on his head and took a picture, I remember thinking it was a great photograph for his 18^th birthday.”

But one hour later, he was found dead in his cot.

“I received a phone call and I knew when the phone rang, that someone was wrong,” says James.

Whilst driving home from work, James was trying to keep calm and process what was going on.

“Gemma was screaming down the phone, he’s dead, he’s dead, Dexter is dead!”

Remembering his son, James looks down at some pictures of Dexter, as he recalls that night, “I didn’t think it was real, I remember thinking it’ll be alright, he’ll start breathing again.”

Gemma dashed over to their neighbours for help, who gave Dexter mouth to mouth, whilst they waited for an ambulance.

Looking out the window, and holding back tears, James’ voice breaks, “I remember saying, put me on loudspeaker, I need the doctors to hear this.

“You don’t give up on him!”

When James got to the hospital, he saw a doctor desperately trying to resuscitate Dexter. It was then, in that moment, James knew his son was gone.

Their daughter Heidi, is holding James’ hand, as James describes how it felt in that moment, “An hour earlier we were all happy and making plans to move house and then the best part our life was gone. There’s no word that could ever describe that.”

“You think his bed is the safest place for him, and you know he’ll be up and about tomorrow. But tomorrow never came for us.”

Gemma is playing with their daughter, Heidi, who is laughing over James, as he reflects on when it came time for the hospital to take Dexter, “We were going home to an empty house, and all this giggling and laughing that makes a home wasn’t there. Life throughout the house was just gone.”

The next few days for James and Gemma were heart-wrenchingly painful. They struggled to cope and thought it would be a miracle if they lasted the weekend.

300 people attended Dexter’s funeral, where they walked a mile alongside his coffin which was led by horses. Guests commented on what an amazing celebration of life the service was, but for James and Gemma it was a blur.

“Life goes on for everyone else,” James says, as he explains how difficult it was to live again, “It’s the start of the worst part, people go back to work, go on holidays, and they just get on. And you can’t.”

Doctors couldn’t find answers to explain Dexter’s death, as tests came back inconclusive, making the struggle to live without their son, even worse.

Months later, the couple found a genetic scientist, Dr Metcalfe, at Manchester Royal Infirmary, who agreed to take Dexter’s DNA samples to try and unlock the answers they longed for.

She rang on New Year’s Eve to tell James and Gemma that she had discovered the reason why they lost their treasured son too soon.

Dexter died from cardiac arrest that was caused by a faulty gene called SCN3B- a gene that regulates the salt levels in the body.

“She cleared her diary for us the next day,” James explains, “It meant so much that somebody was working to get answers for Dexter.”

As time passed, James and Gemma wanted children again. They soon welcomed Tabitha, now 2 years old, and Heidi, now 18 months old, into the world.

“Tabitha saved our lives,” James says, “she knows who her brother is too.” His younger daughter Heidi is pointing at pictures of Dexter, trying to say his name.

Learning how to live without their son was hard for the family, “We were existing but eventually you learn to live. You feel guilty the first time you laugh or smile, but you learn that it’s actually okay.”

Gemma and James created the community group, Dexter’s Light, which helped to support them through this difficult time. It was a place for them to remember Dexter and be charitable in his memory.

The group does a variety of things, from maintaining the churchyard where Dexter was laid to rest, to donating money. Dexter’s Light is more than a community, it’s a support system for a couple who have lived through a tragedy.

Looking for a more permanent reminder of their son, James and Gemma set up a portable sensory room for children whose parents couldn’t afford it.

“We decided to raise money for the sensory equipment, something Dexter loved. It’s not just for poorly children, it can help build any child’s cognitive, physical and communication skills,” James explains.

Dexter’s Light soon won a grant and a national award, which quickly raised a lot of money to buy the equipment, which could be provided to children in the area.

James remembers a child who sadly passed away, who enjoyed the equipment in hospital, “The joy she got in those ten days eases the pain.”

The pain is still fresh for this family who have suffered such a tragic loss, but with the support of Dexter’s Light and the arrival of their two daughters they can learn to live again.