ITV’s This Morning agony aunt explains why a summer romance might help you learn to love yourself
| 7th August 2019
A summer romance is a brilliant ego-boost, but they have a bad reputation for leading to heartbreak. Even though such relationships tend to be short-lived, they can still have a positive effect on our wellbeing, making us feel alive.
Psychotherapist and This Morning’s agony aunt, Lucy Beresford, gives her advice on why you should keep in mind certain rules when it comes to relationships, to not only ensure a sizzling hot summer, but to end it feeling relaxed, desirable and more confident.
On the same page
The most important rule is to ensure you and your new love are both on the same page about what type of encounter this is. If they are looking for a life-long partner but you’re only interested in a summer fling, you will both be desperately disappointed. So long as we understand the nature of the fun, both sides can relax and enjoy the ride.
Getting flirty
The large amount of summer social events, or the freedom that comes from being away on holiday, means we can practice our flirting skills. And being chatted up is also a massive boost to our self-esteem. So practice holding eye contact, be alert for cues such as someone touching you briefly in a friendly way or fiddling with their button or watch when chatting to you.
Be spontaneous
Summer flings allow us to live in the moment. We can take advantage of plans being made at the last minute because of the weather, plus there always seem to be more events happening in the summer, when people feel less constricted. With the sun setting later, it’s a great time to fit in some outdoor activities.
Sun on skin-time
Being out in the sun has a great effect on our mood, making us feel warmer and flirty. The planning we put into making sure we look our best for our new love is exactly how we should be behaving even if we are single. Moisturising your body every day is also a great way not only to make sure we’re looking luscious for our fling, but it also gives us the chance to show ourselves some self-love.
Having fun
Because both sides know the summer fling is not meant to last forever, it means you can throw yourself into it simply for the experience. It’s important in life to find things to do that are just for the fun of it, not because there’s any agenda attached. A summer romance means you can leave the stresses of life behind while escaping into this bubble of lust. And when we let go of stress, our health and sleep patterns benefit too.
Feeling young
People assume that because summer flings often end in heartbreak, they are for people who are immature emotionally. But nothing could be further from the truth. They can happen no matter how old you are. The good thing is that they make us feel young, because there is less responsibility attached. And immersing ourselves in activities and relationships that keep us feeling young is a great way to feel energised.
Being self-aware
A summer fling happens when life offers us more opportunities than usual. But this doesn’t mean we have to take them all up. Summer is a time we can show ourselves self-respect by being more discerning about who we choose. If we get an inkling that something isn’t quite right, we are more likely to close it down quickly when we know there are other options to be had. In general we should be closing down any person who doesn’t feel right, so summer gives us the chance to practice that skill.
Healing from Heartbreak
Summer flings can be a great way to learn to heal from heartbreak. Ideally you won’t get too attached to your new love. However, if you do start to develop feelings for this person and the relationship ends, you can start to heal without having had your heart bruised too badly. Your lives will not have become intertwined, so keeping your life separate will be easier. Plus, you can focus on making the ending as amicable as possible because neither of you had an intention for it to get serious, which is a good skill to acquire for future relationships.
Lucy Beresford is a psychotherapist, TEDx speaker, Agony Aunt for ITV’s This Morning and author of “Happy Relationships: at home work and play”.