“My doctor called me a ‘stupid little girl’ and sent me on my way” – Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer tells her story

As May is the 10th Borderline personality disorder awareness month, and mental health awareness week begins on the 14th May – 20th May 2018, Andrea Stratton tells the story of her BPD diagnosis.

After her attempted suicide rate reached  three times a week, Stratton was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline personality disorder, also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder, centres on the inability to manage emotions effectively, according to the NEA BPD.

Her story began in the early 2000s, when she was provided with anti-depressants by her GP after suffering with depression and urges to self-harm.

“My mum’s boyfriend told me I was just being a typical miserable teenager and threw my antidepressants away”. Stratton, 30, lost all hope in finding help for the way she had been feeling.

“My doctor called me a ‘stupid little girl’ and sent me on my way”, Stratton admitted. From that moment onwards she began to bottle up her feelings and not express them to anybody as she believed nobody wanted to listen.

Moving away from Poole, Dorset, to a university in London enabled her to regain control of her own life. She became a recluse in order to focus on work and build herself a new start. Her situation remained this way until she was 25.

As she moved on with her life she secured herself a job as a Marketing and IT Support Manager, and later moved in to a house with her partner which allowed her to become even more independent.

She then, however, was moved out of a department at work that she was qualified for and had been working in for two years, to be placed into a new department that she was not familiar with. Due to this, every emotion she had bottled up finally exploded through seizures and a manic state of mind.

“I began to disassociate myself, causing all the memories I had put to the back of my mind to come flooding back”. Urges to self-harm resurfaced, along with manic compulsions, for instance feeling the need to jump out of a moving car. She explained how “my boyfriend found me with a kitchen knife”. The rate of her suicide attempts rose to three times a week.

As these feelings rearose, her self-harming became so intense that it resulted in her cutting herself too deep, and she was taken to hospital. At this point she was not in her own state of mind, she had no idea what was happening to her, why it was happening, or where she was. She didn’t feel safe.

“After a short stay in hospital treating my wounds, I was referred to a psychiatric hospital”. Stratton was under 24 hour arms-length observation, it involved her being watched whilst she went to the toilet, and while she slept. There was no doctor around to explain to her what was happening and why she was there, her situation remained this way for three days.

“Being surrounded by mentally ill patients that were more ill than me was scary, people would walk around screaming and laughing”. Family members began questioning whether a psychiatric hospital was the right place for Andrea to get better.

“A long-term resident latched on to me and started playing mind games, telling me I am from the CIA and I’m there to get her”, Stratton claimed.

After staying in the psychiatric hospital for almost a week, Stratton was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was then given medicine and sent to go on home observation. The hospital gave her partner the permission to monitor her day-to-day. It made her feel more comfortable and safe.

According to Very Well mind, around 70% of people with BPD will make at least one suicide attempt in their lifetime. In addition, between eight and ten percent of people with BPD will complete suicide.

A care coordinator would come to her house every two weeks to check on how well her treatment was working and whether she was taking it correctly.

“It saddens me that I had to get to that stage in order to gain the correct treatment I needed, but I’m grateful I got to that point because otherwise I could have been left plodding along in depression forever”.

Stratton was sent to a neuro psychologist who diagnosed her seizures as ‘non-epileptic attack’ disorder, “it translates as my brain rebooting itself due to the stress I was going through”. Since the tests, Andrea has been put on medication and sent to mood management courses.

Her 2 week check-ups from a care coordinator have continued in the same way, but she states, “if I go into crisis they come more often”.

Now 30 and living in a house in Bristol with her partner and cat, her life has really turned around for the better. “Life is still difficult. I still cry when I have to make decisions and I get exhausted when I’m around people, but it’s nice to know that I have the support there now”.

“If I was to give advice to another person suffering with Borderline Personality disorder, I would just say to find someone you trust and get help. You are worth the help.” She explains that it’s important to separate the shame from the practicalities. It is just like any other illness.

She found help through some of her worst times by finding social groups online, for example, Mind and ‘Rethink’. Both are charities that provide support for people suffering with mental illnesses. They offer stories from other sufferers and contact information from specialists to deliver advice to those that need it.